Finally Sober...

So yeah,
Now that,  I'm not using food to constantly sedate my self it's rough.  I'm no longer turning to food as a source of comfort.
My feeling are raw and i'm forced to face thing that I locked away years ago. I'm suddenly confronted by things and people that are causing me to take a long look at all the choices I've made in life.

I find myself wondering... Had I not been so unhappy would my choices be the same ?
This journey is so emotional for me and things that I wouldn't have batted an eye at before now cause me pain.
Honestly I don't know where this journey is taking me. I'm not sure what will come about as a result of this journey. What I do know is that I will never again to turn to food to mask my pain.
From here on out I will face my life head on and deal with it...

Time To Take Measurements !

So...
   Because i'm use to doing a low to no carb " DIET " not seeing the pounds coming off daily is disheartening. I now know that fast weightloss attained by depriving the body of vital macros is not healthy and doesn't provide lasting results. Therefore it's time to break out the old faithful tape measure.
Along this journey I will set checkpoints at which time I will get on the scale and weigh. I will not begin the self sabotaging routine of getting on the scale daily as this only discourages me.

Days 3 & 4 Getting Stronger Already !

I'm getting STRONGER !

I'm feeling awesome the past two days. Yesterday I got in 1.5 hrs. total and 3 good miles of walking. I'm learning to ignore my body and listen to my mind telling me to push it !

I'm not eating poorly but certainly not clean as I would like. I still need to go to the grocery store. Today I got on the scale... for what reason I don't know !
I'm used to Low Carb dieting and seeing the scale move daily. I now know that low to no carbs is not good for the body and only hurts you in the long run. I have learned to accept the fact that exercise and eating well will be apart of my life for ever. Being overweight is alot like being a drug addict. I am addicted to food and eating poorly. I can't afford " Cheat Days " because it would cause a downward spiral to hell for my body.

Water...

I'm addicted to caffeine, yes caffeine. I drink coffee all day long. I'm going to improve and start to drink more water. This is a huge problem for me... I don't like water.

PAIN !

I've been in pain since day 2 but it's not the pain of being over weight. It's a healthy pain. My husband suggested I take some pain meds but I declined. The pain that comes with exercise has always scared me to death. I had a real fear of working hard and being sore. I declined the pain meds because I want to feel the pain and get used to the fact that in order to achieve my goal I need to feel the pain. In the long run this pain will be a reminder that I can never go back to my self destructive ways.

Fitness Equipment !

Today the hubby bought me a pair of 3lb. weights to use during my walks. I know that introducing strength training burns more calories than walking alone. I also got a resistance tube to start doing some other exercises. I would love to have a polar watch or a fit bit to monitor my progress but money is tight so I'll have to wait.
Today I looked at workout clothes ! Shopping has always been a pain in my butt so for me to be looking at any clothes is unusual for me. I do want some workout clothes now tho because i'm doing something for myself that's going to be a positive change that will last forever. I want to look cute, as cute as a 300lb. woman can while I workout...LOL !
I can't afford these things now but eventually...    

I'm just looking toward the end of my journey. I now I will be a stronger, better, healthier person when I reach my goal.
This journey is bringing out some old feelings and dark times that I need to work thru. I'm really looking into myself and Whoa It's Rough !!!                                                                                  

Momma Gon Werk It Out !

Day 2 Fueling My Machine !

Well i'm supposed to eat within 30min to an hour after waking up...

I'm finding it hard to eat when i'm getting my kids ready for school so it ends up being like 2hrs. b4 I can sit and eat breakfast. Had a half cup of watery oatmeal that I rushed to cook and ended up reheating.
I'm sore from yesterday's short workout. Getting this body moving after not doing anything for so long is HARD ! I know the exercise will pay off greatly in the end tho.
So yesterday I did a waist & ab workout and it was pretty intense for me. I know that I need to switch it up in order to keep my body working. Today's exercise will be walking and weights !
They say it takes 30 days to make a habit so i'm committing to it.
6 cardio workouts a week and 3 strength workouts.
I'll be doing this alone but it's my journey and no one else's.

I Want 2 Live !!!

This is me today...
I weigh 300lbs. and I am not happy.
For as long as I can remember I have been bigger, bigger than the other girls. Bigger than my teachers, just bigger.
I'm tired now. I'm tired of being the girl with the pretty face. I'm sick of looking at my body and wanting to vomit.
I'm done beating myself up and done feeling sorry for myself.
I'm taking my life back and controlling my body for the first time in my life !
I'm reading @realchrispowell 's book Choose To Lose and i'm making the choice to save my own life. Exercise has always been my enemy with the exception of weightlifting. I love lifting and feeling strong. Clean eating is completely foreign. I was raised eating what tastes good in my mouth not what is healthy fuel for my body. This is so new to me but i'm trying. Trying to save my life because no one can do this for me.
Reading Chris's book is correcting years of misinformation !
I always thought that the only way to lose weight was to suffer. I thought the only diet on earth that worked was the low or NO CARB way. I made my self physically sick by depriving my body of vital carbohydrates. My body ached, my head hurt and I was sick !
I thank God for letting me come across the right way to live the rest of my life. I'm only 41yrs. old and I want to live. I want to live for me and my family.
So this morning I continued to read the book.
For the first time in years, I ate a healthy breakfast with no regrets about carbs.
I did an exercise routine that took my breath and made me sweat without being upset. I'm winning already !